That clock keeps ticking.

Dolmabahçe Clock TowerI’m getting down under four weeks left and it is getting harder and harder to avoid the fact that clock keeps winding down. It is getting harder and harder to avoid thinking about it, living it, breathing it with every breath. Every time I’m meeting someone new these days my first words “Hi, my name is BJ…” are immediately followed by “and I’m going to Turkey in ____ days”. It is the subject of every conversation. It is the hinge around which every thought turns.

But at this point that door has opened wide enough that I am able to begin looking backward as well as forward. Now that March has stepped in and February has been frozen out, I am running into more and more lasts. Just a few minutes ago I payed my last month’s rent. Yesterday I spoke before a group of kids for the last time. Later that evening I attended my last leadership team meeting. Almost everything that went on in that meeting was planning and preparation for events and activities that will be happening after I am gone. Life here in New York keeps marching on and more and more, I am not a part of it. I’m not quite sure how I feel about that.

My life is now somewhere else. I just haven’t gotten there yet. I will be soon, though. Inexorably, that clock keeps winding down.

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